Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
