why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
