i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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