I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My life is pants optional.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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