i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
