turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
