My friends, they love my intelligence
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
