i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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