So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
