wrigley field is MILF paradise
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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