I will die if light touches me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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