Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize