Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
