I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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