bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
