I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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