Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
