i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
should my penis look like a turkey
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
