just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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