I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You pole danced in your parka.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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