look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
