I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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