theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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