it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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