Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
