I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
