I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
the liver wants what the liver wants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
