Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
