On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
