His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You pole danced in your parka.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
