Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
