I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she peed on how many people?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize