i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
