flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
