cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We are all done wearing pants today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
