It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
