there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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