Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
