My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys