I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.