I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is wine microwaveable?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...