We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize