Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
third nipple confirmed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties