absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.