I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..