i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize