I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
