i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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