I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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