he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
