i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
