Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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