i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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