the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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