I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
