I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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