Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
