i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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