you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
