I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
