im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
