My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
