So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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