i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize