Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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