Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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