I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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